Thought for the day

Write your own life story don't plagiarize someone else's! If your parents are miserable in their relationship don't live vicariously through them. Take their thoughts and feelings and let them flow through you. Work at making your life the way you want to live it, don't let others decide for you. 

The Drama of Trauma

When a person has never experienced trauma enters into a relationship, their sub-conscious is able to view each new relationship as a good experience, something to look at with love.

On the other hand, if a person has had trauma in a past relationship, their sub-conscious views all new relationship as a potential bad experience, something to look at with fear.

Unless a person uses their conscious brain, and faces the past trauma, it will continue to cause that person to look at all potential relationships through the lenses of pain and fear.  Even if the relationship is a good one, and the other person is bringing only love and friendship into the relationship, trauma will cause drama.

 If the person who has experienced trauma is unable to see problems and issues in a current relationship, the victim persona that has been created in the sub-conscious will put the same traumatic behavior from the past into the new relationship. (False Evidence Appearing Real) Trauma causes a person to become a victim and if they are not being treated as one in a current relationship, and cannot stay in a past victim situation, then they will create false ideals or feelings toward the current person so they can stay the victim. 

“My past husband used to control me so this new person in my life will control me too.” “All relationships are bad, since my parents’ relationship was bad.” “My past relationships are going well,(parents, ex-spouse, siblings, old boyfriend/girlfriend) so that must make my current relationship wrong, because there has to be a negative relationship in my life at all times.”

It takes a conscious awareness, of being able to face oneself, and acknowledge that the victim persona has entered into a current relationship. The other person doesn't need to do anything harmful or wrong to bring out the victim persona; it will show up through no efforts but of your sub-conscious.  Looking at the complete picture of what is going on in a current relationship, physically writing a list of all of the good things that are happening and then writing a list of any actual harm the other person is causing will provide clarity. 

In writing these lists it is important to document true events in a non-biased view, do not decide what the other person may have been thinking or doing in the situation.  Then using the conscious part of the brain, identify any events that may be the victim persona creating the pain and fear, where in actuality, there were none.

Not all relationships are traumatic, even if your past ones were. Even if your parents, siblings, or friends have had bad relationships in the past, your current and future relationships can still be wonderful.

Look for the good in people; be open to seeing new relationships as opportunities for love and joy.  Confront the trauma in your life and let it go. It doesn't have to follow you into every new relationship.  When trauma is looked at through love and clarity, then the power of fear is removed and it has no hold upon you in the future. You are retraining your sub-conscious to look at people as gifts of love instead of deliverers of fear and pain.

It isn't easy to identify and face the past and to work through problems you may have in a current relationship. The victim persona in your sub-consciousness will try to hide, ignore or avoid dealing with relationships as long as possible.

So ask yourself, are you running from something scary in your relationships right now? Are you procrastinating about dealing with it? Are you avoiding taking on your life and solving your problems? This behavior is not worthy of who you are.  When you run, hide or avoid dealing with relationships and life, it defies your purpose for being here on Earth to learn and grow. Your Voice of Fear thinks it is protecting you with avoidance tactics, but it is really preventing you from becoming who you are meant to be and from learning to love and be loved.

Your sub-conscious might be using clever distractions to keep your conscious self from working on healing and accepting new loving relationships into your life. It is important that you wake up and become consciously aware of this self-sabotage.  Take an honest inventory of your behavior; are you avoiding creating healthy relationships  and not working to solve any issues, real or contrived? If you are, you are literally wasting your life and ignoring your purpose. 

You are meant to embrace living and take on challenges. You are meant to work things out, stretch and grow. You are here to learn how to create good relationships and connect with other people. Decide today to be more aware of your life and stop letting the victim persona run your life. Own the excuses you are using to avoid learning to grow. You can do better, you are meant to be better.  Don’t sacrifice living to protect yourself from the possibility of being hurt.  Trust that what other people think doesn't matter. What other people think doesn't change who you are. You are the same incredible you, no matter what.

Find out who you really are by learning and growing slowly, step by step. Stop letting False Evidence Appearing Real stop you. Don’t allow the victim persona make excuses or create trauma, see situations accurately and feel capable, confident and strong. Live in a no-drama, no-excuses zone.

Start living with passion and joy! You can become the person you are meant to be, and it’s easier than you think.

Challenges and Trials, Just Experiences in Life's Journey

We all face challenges. Trials, turmoil, curses, catastrophes, bad days, whatever you call it, we all have them. Some people have events in their lives that are so horrendous that society as a whole wonders how they keep going, getting up each morning with a smile on their face and trudging forward. Some of us have challenges that to us personally are huge and overwhelming and yet are nothing compared to what other people have suffered. The point is that no matter what challenge you currently face in your life, it serves a purpose.
If you believe that you alone can choose how to react to the challenge and keep fighting your way through it, the challenge (trial) can give you strength, wisdom, and empathy. You can become stronger, kinder and less judgmental. You can become the person you were meant to be, the hero of your own life story. That being said, you can also choose to be miserable, bitter and a victim through these challenges. You choose how to react and how to "be" through the situation.
Growing up in Alaska, my dad would check out movies (along with the 8 mm projector) from the university library and we would watch them instead of watching television. (we didn't have a television, and actually I still don't).  One of the movies I remember was called "You pack your own chute". It was about a lady who decided to overcome her fear of heights by skydiving. One of the concepts from this movie I have kept with me all of these years, was that we choose how to react when something wrong happens to us.  In the movie the lady was driving with her grandfather and another car ran a stop sign and she almost hit them. She told her grandfather how that other person had made her so mad. Her grandfather replied, "So that other person controls how you feel?"  His lesson to his granddaughter was that she chose how to react to a bad situation, or when someone "wronged" her. The other person didn't make that decision for her.
This is how to face challenges, we decide how to "be" or react. Let go of being a victim, let go of blaming others for your trials or challenges. Trials are just experiences on this journey of life. Experience it, learn from it and then become a better person because of it.  This won't happen overnight, but each time you go to complain about how you have been wronged by someone, or how something bad is happening to you, remember, you choose to how you react. Take the lesson from what has been given to you, and then leave the bad in the past and move forward to the good experiences that await you.
Let go of the fear that can accompany challenges and trials, look for ways to love in the midst of such experiences. Write loving thoughts to those who you feel have hurt you and have brought you pain. You will find that love can overcome any negative feeling and you can be the person you truly want to be as you go through the rough and the wonderful experiences of life.
Remember, you pack your own chute, just like you choose what you carry with you from each experience. Let go of the garbage, and keep the beauty in this journey. Let go of the anger and blame, keep the peace and the love.

Living Forgiveness

:It is so easy to hold grudges.  The feeling of superiority that accompanies the victim attitude is addicting.  He offended me, she hurt me, they wronged me, the list goes on and on. This is one of the heaviest burdens we can put on ourselves and on others.  Nothing weighs down the human heart and spirit more than being unforgiving.

You may feel justified in your accusations, they did "this and this" so I have a right to judge them and to not forgive them because they don't deserve it! Look inside when you say or think these feelings. Do you feel truly justified? Do you really have the right to not forgive someone else?

In the Bible, Christ tells his disciples to "Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.....Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven." Luke 6:27-28, 37.

There is so much in this short statement, however, it basically comes down to love, just love. Love everyone, don't judge or condemn them, just accept them as they are and love.  Forgiveness is the beginning stages of love and acceptance, and when you have forgiven someone of an offense either real or perceived, you will feel love grow within you.

Forgiveness is not for the healing of another. It is not for their sake we are told to forgive others, we are to forgive others for our own sake, for our own peace and for our own journey. Forgive the past, it is gone in a heartbeat. Live in the now, live in the moment of new, look forward to the brighter future of two seconds from now. Unburden your heart from the heavy weight of grudges and judgement, it doesn't solve any problems and doesn't create friendship and love.

After you have found the peace of forgiving others and forgiving the past, then you can focus on forgiving yourself. We are our own worst critics and forgiving ourselves of mistakes, shortcomings or anything else negative, is a huge part of the journey of life. Love yourself, don't judge yourself harshly, be supportive, and believe in yourself. You are not a mistake and you are not a failure, you are perfect just the way you are.

Also, believe in the Lord's forgiveness, it is there for you long before you even ask for it. He believes in you, loves you and knows of your infinite capabilities. Allow Him to give that to you in your life's journey.

Starting this very moment, give forgiveness, accept forgiveness, and allow the Lord to show His forgiveness in your life every day. You will find healing in your heart and peace in your life and a love that is beyond measure, for yourself and for others.

This Life is Not a Test

Somehow, in some point of the evolution of mankind, someone decided to spread the idea that this life was a test and if you don't do everything right, you flunk and God will never let you return to Heaven and you will be condemned to an eternity of damnation.

This life is not a test, and we are not set up to fail. No matter what you do with this gift, called life, you are doing it right for you.  And you are never going to be condemned to an eternity of damnation, you are too valuable to God. (yes, this is my opinion and I am sticking by it!) You don't have to be perfect, EVER!

None of us are perfect, even though some people may want you to believe that they are, or you choose to believe that they are. Look at it this way, we are all perfect in our own imperfections.

I recently read that this life is a classroom, and we learn something every moment in every day. That is all that  is required of us, no huge test to fail or trial to pass. Just experiences to help us become who we are really meant to be. So if you get out of bed, get dressed and sit on the couch eating ice cream and watch Disney movies all day, hey, that is all that is required of you for that moment.

This doesn't mean sit on the couch every day and avoid life and learning. Do what you are capable of and then regather yourself and try again the next day. We all have times when life seems overwhelming, and it is healthy to stop and just meditate, ponder and "check out" for a short while. When you feel that you can't face one more heartache, failure, or stressful situation, take a time out. Mentally focus on what is causing the fear, anxiety, or hurtful thoughts. Then counteract the negative feelings with wonderful and loving thoughts about either yourself, the other person, or the situation. Don't let the negative thoughts take over. Face them, remove them from your life with love, and move on.

 Life is a grand adventure for you to enjoy, live and experience. You will never know the complete joy of this glorious experience if you just sit inside and avoid the situations that may bring sorrow or pain. You learn from these moments so when joy comes to you, and it will, you will enjoy it tenfold because you know the gift that it brings.

 You also need to physically be around other people to experience love and joy. There are times when you may feel totally alone and that you are unloved and unwanted. Stop the loneliness by reminding yourself of your value and beauty. Love who you are completely, no one can do that better than you, because no one knows you better than you do. (I believe God does know you and your infinite worth, and He will be there to share that love with you anytime you ask Him.) Write a letter reminding yourself that your value is infinite and absolute and you are "good enough" right now as you are.

Every experience is a lesson that serves you in some way and this life you have is a perfect journey created just for you. There are no accidents, everything and everyone has a purpose in your life. Some bring joy and some may bring sorrow, but each brings a lesson with it.

Most importantly, through this whole experience, choose love.

Choose to love other people the same as you love yourself. Which means love yourself as much as you love other people.  Love should be equal, never love yourself less than someone else, give love to yourself and to others at the same time. The next time you have the thought, "why can't someone love me", think, "how can I love others" instead. Then put it into action and go share love with those who need it as much as, or even more than, you do.

 Enjoy life, enjoy love and enjoy the journey.

Looking at the truth in your life story

I have really loved what I learned from reading Loving What Is by Byron Kate.  One of the first things to do in the book is to write down a blaming letter towards someone who we perceive has hurt us. Then after writing the letter, tear it down and turn it around.

We look at four questions: Is it true, Can you absolutely know that it’s true? How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? Who would you be without the thought?

So take a favorite argument that you recently had with someone that you love or think you love.

For example: “You are too demanding.”

To begin with, look at it in more depth: You demand too much of my….now really focus on what you feel is being demanded of you. Is it your time, money, your emotional commitment or anything else you think is being required from you?  Write exactly you think or feel is being demanded from you. It can be more than one thing.

Now, turn it around and look at it from another angle: I demand too much from myself. This is just another way to say, “I am not good enough.”

And turn it around again: I demand too much from you (meaning the person you are having this discussion with) or I demand too much from everyone in general.

Now look at all three with the words “my thoughts”

My thoughts are that you are too demanding.

Turn it around: My thoughts lead me to demand too much from myself.

Turn it around again: My thoughts demand too much from you or from everyone in general.

Now when you read these ask yourself on each line, Is it true: Is it really true, how do you react and feel when you believe that thought, and who would you be without that thought.  Sit and really ponder on which thought is really true and for the negative thoughts, really focus on how you would feel if you didn’t have that thought.

If the thought isn’t true, if it is something that you know isn’t true about you or the other person, let it go. Don’t bother focusing on it. Just say to yourself, this isn’t true because I have value, I am good enough. Or you can say that the other person isn’t demanding these things from me, it is just my perception. Then just let go.  Rewrite the story of this relationship and who you are with true thoughts and feelings.

If it is true, then you need to focus on how you would feel if you stopped reacting to the demands. Tell the other person how you are feeling, what you need in order to feel at peace. If the demanding behavior isn’t going to change then accept it with love and peace. Don’t argue internally or externally with the other person.  Realize they are who they are, and you can love them that way, or let them go. Sometimes letting someone you love go to live their life without you is the best thing for yourself. It is hard, but in time you will be healthier and happier.

Day 1: Sending Happy Thoughts To Everyone You See

If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams

 and you will always look lovely. ~Roald Dahl

Do you know where your paper is that you wrote the six things  that made you happy? Hopefully you have it in a place where you can see each morning; a good place is on your bathroom mirror, by your light switch in your room or on your bedroom door.  Before you leave the house today read those six things out loud.  Keep those happy thoughts with you throughout the day.  While you at school, playing with friends, or practicing a sport or dance, wherever you go where there are people, make sure to say and think kind and positive thoughts. Think of something kind about every person you see today. You don’t have to talk to them, just think something nice. Such as, “I like his backpack”, “she has a nice smile”, “Mrs. Kirkpatrick is my favorite teacher”, or “I hope Principal Rodgers is having a good day today”.  Only think nice and kind thoughts about people as you go through your day. When you are home after participating in fun activities or going to school, talk to your Buddy about how your day went. Did you tell someone what you were thinking about them? Did that make them happy too? Did you find that people were nicer to you because you were thinking happy thoughts? By thinking positive thoughts you will have more joy and happiness inside of you. Before you go to bed tonight, go to your comfortable, quiet spot and write three things in your journal that happened when you projected kind and positive thoughts towards others today. Read them aloud to yourself and then write “I am kind” next to each one. Kindness is one way you show love to others and they show love back to you.