The Drama of Trauma

When a person has never experienced trauma enters into a relationship, their sub-conscious is able to view each new relationship as a good experience, something to look at with love.

On the other hand, if a person has had trauma in a past relationship, their sub-conscious views all new relationship as a potential bad experience, something to look at with fear.

Unless a person uses their conscious brain, and faces the past trauma, it will continue to cause that person to look at all potential relationships through the lenses of pain and fear.  Even if the relationship is a good one, and the other person is bringing only love and friendship into the relationship, trauma will cause drama.

 If the person who has experienced trauma is unable to see problems and issues in a current relationship, the victim persona that has been created in the sub-conscious will put the same traumatic behavior from the past into the new relationship. (False Evidence Appearing Real) Trauma causes a person to become a victim and if they are not being treated as one in a current relationship, and cannot stay in a past victim situation, then they will create false ideals or feelings toward the current person so they can stay the victim. 

“My past husband used to control me so this new person in my life will control me too.” “All relationships are bad, since my parents’ relationship was bad.” “My past relationships are going well,(parents, ex-spouse, siblings, old boyfriend/girlfriend) so that must make my current relationship wrong, because there has to be a negative relationship in my life at all times.”

It takes a conscious awareness, of being able to face oneself, and acknowledge that the victim persona has entered into a current relationship. The other person doesn't need to do anything harmful or wrong to bring out the victim persona; it will show up through no efforts but of your sub-conscious.  Looking at the complete picture of what is going on in a current relationship, physically writing a list of all of the good things that are happening and then writing a list of any actual harm the other person is causing will provide clarity. 

In writing these lists it is important to document true events in a non-biased view, do not decide what the other person may have been thinking or doing in the situation.  Then using the conscious part of the brain, identify any events that may be the victim persona creating the pain and fear, where in actuality, there were none.

Not all relationships are traumatic, even if your past ones were. Even if your parents, siblings, or friends have had bad relationships in the past, your current and future relationships can still be wonderful.

Look for the good in people; be open to seeing new relationships as opportunities for love and joy.  Confront the trauma in your life and let it go. It doesn't have to follow you into every new relationship.  When trauma is looked at through love and clarity, then the power of fear is removed and it has no hold upon you in the future. You are retraining your sub-conscious to look at people as gifts of love instead of deliverers of fear and pain.

It isn't easy to identify and face the past and to work through problems you may have in a current relationship. The victim persona in your sub-consciousness will try to hide, ignore or avoid dealing with relationships as long as possible.

So ask yourself, are you running from something scary in your relationships right now? Are you procrastinating about dealing with it? Are you avoiding taking on your life and solving your problems? This behavior is not worthy of who you are.  When you run, hide or avoid dealing with relationships and life, it defies your purpose for being here on Earth to learn and grow. Your Voice of Fear thinks it is protecting you with avoidance tactics, but it is really preventing you from becoming who you are meant to be and from learning to love and be loved.

Your sub-conscious might be using clever distractions to keep your conscious self from working on healing and accepting new loving relationships into your life. It is important that you wake up and become consciously aware of this self-sabotage.  Take an honest inventory of your behavior; are you avoiding creating healthy relationships  and not working to solve any issues, real or contrived? If you are, you are literally wasting your life and ignoring your purpose. 

You are meant to embrace living and take on challenges. You are meant to work things out, stretch and grow. You are here to learn how to create good relationships and connect with other people. Decide today to be more aware of your life and stop letting the victim persona run your life. Own the excuses you are using to avoid learning to grow. You can do better, you are meant to be better.  Don’t sacrifice living to protect yourself from the possibility of being hurt.  Trust that what other people think doesn't matter. What other people think doesn't change who you are. You are the same incredible you, no matter what.

Find out who you really are by learning and growing slowly, step by step. Stop letting False Evidence Appearing Real stop you. Don’t allow the victim persona make excuses or create trauma, see situations accurately and feel capable, confident and strong. Live in a no-drama, no-excuses zone.

Start living with passion and joy! You can become the person you are meant to be, and it’s easier than you think.