Living Forgiveness

:It is so easy to hold grudges.  The feeling of superiority that accompanies the victim attitude is addicting.  He offended me, she hurt me, they wronged me, the list goes on and on. This is one of the heaviest burdens we can put on ourselves and on others.  Nothing weighs down the human heart and spirit more than being unforgiving.

You may feel justified in your accusations, they did "this and this" so I have a right to judge them and to not forgive them because they don't deserve it! Look inside when you say or think these feelings. Do you feel truly justified? Do you really have the right to not forgive someone else?

In the Bible, Christ tells his disciples to "Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.....Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven." Luke 6:27-28, 37.

There is so much in this short statement, however, it basically comes down to love, just love. Love everyone, don't judge or condemn them, just accept them as they are and love.  Forgiveness is the beginning stages of love and acceptance, and when you have forgiven someone of an offense either real or perceived, you will feel love grow within you.

Forgiveness is not for the healing of another. It is not for their sake we are told to forgive others, we are to forgive others for our own sake, for our own peace and for our own journey. Forgive the past, it is gone in a heartbeat. Live in the now, live in the moment of new, look forward to the brighter future of two seconds from now. Unburden your heart from the heavy weight of grudges and judgement, it doesn't solve any problems and doesn't create friendship and love.

After you have found the peace of forgiving others and forgiving the past, then you can focus on forgiving yourself. We are our own worst critics and forgiving ourselves of mistakes, shortcomings or anything else negative, is a huge part of the journey of life. Love yourself, don't judge yourself harshly, be supportive, and believe in yourself. You are not a mistake and you are not a failure, you are perfect just the way you are.

Also, believe in the Lord's forgiveness, it is there for you long before you even ask for it. He believes in you, loves you and knows of your infinite capabilities. Allow Him to give that to you in your life's journey.

Starting this very moment, give forgiveness, accept forgiveness, and allow the Lord to show His forgiveness in your life every day. You will find healing in your heart and peace in your life and a love that is beyond measure, for yourself and for others.

This Life is Not a Test

Somehow, in some point of the evolution of mankind, someone decided to spread the idea that this life was a test and if you don't do everything right, you flunk and God will never let you return to Heaven and you will be condemned to an eternity of damnation.

This life is not a test, and we are not set up to fail. No matter what you do with this gift, called life, you are doing it right for you.  And you are never going to be condemned to an eternity of damnation, you are too valuable to God. (yes, this is my opinion and I am sticking by it!) You don't have to be perfect, EVER!

None of us are perfect, even though some people may want you to believe that they are, or you choose to believe that they are. Look at it this way, we are all perfect in our own imperfections.

I recently read that this life is a classroom, and we learn something every moment in every day. That is all that  is required of us, no huge test to fail or trial to pass. Just experiences to help us become who we are really meant to be. So if you get out of bed, get dressed and sit on the couch eating ice cream and watch Disney movies all day, hey, that is all that is required of you for that moment.

This doesn't mean sit on the couch every day and avoid life and learning. Do what you are capable of and then regather yourself and try again the next day. We all have times when life seems overwhelming, and it is healthy to stop and just meditate, ponder and "check out" for a short while. When you feel that you can't face one more heartache, failure, or stressful situation, take a time out. Mentally focus on what is causing the fear, anxiety, or hurtful thoughts. Then counteract the negative feelings with wonderful and loving thoughts about either yourself, the other person, or the situation. Don't let the negative thoughts take over. Face them, remove them from your life with love, and move on.

 Life is a grand adventure for you to enjoy, live and experience. You will never know the complete joy of this glorious experience if you just sit inside and avoid the situations that may bring sorrow or pain. You learn from these moments so when joy comes to you, and it will, you will enjoy it tenfold because you know the gift that it brings.

 You also need to physically be around other people to experience love and joy. There are times when you may feel totally alone and that you are unloved and unwanted. Stop the loneliness by reminding yourself of your value and beauty. Love who you are completely, no one can do that better than you, because no one knows you better than you do. (I believe God does know you and your infinite worth, and He will be there to share that love with you anytime you ask Him.) Write a letter reminding yourself that your value is infinite and absolute and you are "good enough" right now as you are.

Every experience is a lesson that serves you in some way and this life you have is a perfect journey created just for you. There are no accidents, everything and everyone has a purpose in your life. Some bring joy and some may bring sorrow, but each brings a lesson with it.

Most importantly, through this whole experience, choose love.

Choose to love other people the same as you love yourself. Which means love yourself as much as you love other people.  Love should be equal, never love yourself less than someone else, give love to yourself and to others at the same time. The next time you have the thought, "why can't someone love me", think, "how can I love others" instead. Then put it into action and go share love with those who need it as much as, or even more than, you do.

 Enjoy life, enjoy love and enjoy the journey.

Looking at the truth in your life story

I have really loved what I learned from reading Loving What Is by Byron Kate.  One of the first things to do in the book is to write down a blaming letter towards someone who we perceive has hurt us. Then after writing the letter, tear it down and turn it around.

We look at four questions: Is it true, Can you absolutely know that it’s true? How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? Who would you be without the thought?

So take a favorite argument that you recently had with someone that you love or think you love.

For example: “You are too demanding.”

To begin with, look at it in more depth: You demand too much of my….now really focus on what you feel is being demanded of you. Is it your time, money, your emotional commitment or anything else you think is being required from you?  Write exactly you think or feel is being demanded from you. It can be more than one thing.

Now, turn it around and look at it from another angle: I demand too much from myself. This is just another way to say, “I am not good enough.”

And turn it around again: I demand too much from you (meaning the person you are having this discussion with) or I demand too much from everyone in general.

Now look at all three with the words “my thoughts”

My thoughts are that you are too demanding.

Turn it around: My thoughts lead me to demand too much from myself.

Turn it around again: My thoughts demand too much from you or from everyone in general.

Now when you read these ask yourself on each line, Is it true: Is it really true, how do you react and feel when you believe that thought, and who would you be without that thought.  Sit and really ponder on which thought is really true and for the negative thoughts, really focus on how you would feel if you didn’t have that thought.

If the thought isn’t true, if it is something that you know isn’t true about you or the other person, let it go. Don’t bother focusing on it. Just say to yourself, this isn’t true because I have value, I am good enough. Or you can say that the other person isn’t demanding these things from me, it is just my perception. Then just let go.  Rewrite the story of this relationship and who you are with true thoughts and feelings.

If it is true, then you need to focus on how you would feel if you stopped reacting to the demands. Tell the other person how you are feeling, what you need in order to feel at peace. If the demanding behavior isn’t going to change then accept it with love and peace. Don’t argue internally or externally with the other person.  Realize they are who they are, and you can love them that way, or let them go. Sometimes letting someone you love go to live their life without you is the best thing for yourself. It is hard, but in time you will be healthier and happier.